Help! We Need Christmas! Now!

Four days ahead of Christmas Eve, I am wondering if we are actually going to celebrate the holidays this year. Now, I personally am not particularly keen on Christmas (we don’t go to church, and we haven’t had a Christmas tree in years) but now I find myself longing for some Christmas cheer. Why is this? Because the waves of acrimony, anger, misery and totally un-Christian spite and malice washing over the media, social media and people, in general, is getting too much. I am drowning. I can hardly come up for air.

If I listed all the angry, miserable things, both at home and abroad, that pop up all day long, then you, my dear long-suffering readers might unsubscribe (please, don’t!) But here in Jamaica, there is Petrojam (check the “web of corruption” box); the State of Emergency fracas (check the “crime is a political football” box); and rising deaths on our roads (check the “couldn’t care less/leggo beast” box).

Last week, there were lively scenes in Ukraine’s Parliament. There was also a bunch of red roses. This week they started again. Someone even brought out some brass knuckles. Where is your Christmas spirit, guys? (Photos: AP)

And hey, overseas they have forgotten about Christmas, too! Today Ukrainian (male) lawmakers were brawling in Parliament over a political poster, tossing it back and forth. Two or three bemused women watched from the sidelines.

The U.S. and the UK are both on the verge of implosion and have been teetering on the edge of madness for quite a while now. Do we have to go into details? Well, we only need to say two words: Trump (U.S.) and Brexit (UK). The wanna-be Tsar and Chief Manipulator Vladimir Putin is rubbing his hands, and Xi Jinping is hacking and abusing human rights with impunity.

Meanwhile, life is scary in and around London’s Gatwick Airport (which is no fun at the best of times) because large drones continue to fly over the airfield. What? (Photo: Peter Nicholls/Reuters)

Meanwhile, Gatwick Airport has closed (again) because of drones buzzing around near the airport. Can you imagine the chaos?

The human misery that is migration continues. What kind of Christmas will these fragmented, frightened families have, near and around the Mexican border or worse still, in the custody of the sinister ICE?

Meanwhile, in the No Planet B News, we have twelve years before all hell breaks loose; the Japanese have decided to give the International Whaling Commission the finger and just go all out to kill whales, and the man in Brazil is aiming to destroy what’s left of the Amazon rainforest. Oh, and the Americans, Russians, Saudis and Kuwaitis don’t believe the climate change scientists’ report. I guess they know better, right?

Why, WordPress doesn’t even have snowflakes gently floating across my blog this year! Did we WordPressers do something wrong?

Oh, Mariah! I am ready to live in your world of fake snow and glitter, just for a few days…

Maybe I should have already buried myself in nostalgic Christmas movies, and played corny old seasonal songs all day (except for Little Drummer Boy – all those “ba rumpa pum pum’s“ drive me insane). My husband hasn’t even indulged in his annual over-the-top Mariah Carey Christmas CD. Or, well, how about a few Christmas carols? Can’t do any harm. Oh, Little Town of Bethlehem… Where are you?

It’s (not) beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. But we need it, badly.

OK, then, I give in. Bring on Mariah Carey and the Little Drummer Boy! Bring ’em on, now! I’m ready…

Meanwhile, can all the political hacks on (Jamaican) Twitter just calm down, at least for a few days? I fully expect you to start bickering again on the day after Boxing Day. But for now, at least – don’t you have Christmas shopping to do? 

Better still, there are some great cruises on offer at this time of year. Sail off into the sunset! Just leave your smartphones at home.

I want Bing Crosby and his White Christmas. I want Nat King Cole and wish there were some chestnuts and an open fire to roast them on. But this is the tropics.

You just can’t win.

I want chestnuts roasting on an open fire… but it’s too hot.