Dennis Jones’ “Lexi-con for Jamaica’s Next Election”

With general elections now breathing down our necks, and many difficult and disconcerting developments arising, I thought I would “reblog” my friend and fellow blogger Dennis Jones’ witty piece. However, it wasn’t possible, so I have copied and pasted as best I can. If you want to see the many interesting illustrations, I would recommend you visit the link: https://jamaicapoliticaleconomy.wordpress.com/2016/02/19/a-lexi-con-for-jamaicas-next-election/ And do follow this blog for more witty and thoughtful commentary. I hope this article, in any case, lightens things up a bit for you…

It’s just seven days away! I have no horse in the race, meaning that I have no party affiliation. I will go to the polling station, to cast my vote, or not, or spoil my ballot paper, all of which are my rights…I will emerge with ink on my finger, I think…Am I undecided? I don’t know, for sure. But, while I’m laboring through the masochistic task of reading orange and green colored Manifestos, my mind wandered on how our language has been enriched during this brief, but jolly period since the ‘touch’ was made and the ‘announcement’ was heard amongst the blaring trumpets…and vuvuzelas.

****

A is for Anju, the one leaders of the AH-position, decked in Clarks.

B is for Missa Berk, di spin docta of the governing party.

C is for a con. If ever there was a word that caused so much consternation, and confusion, and contortions, it’s this little one.

D is for debates. Well, we might as well take that word out of our vocabulary for a while, as the children did not want to play in the same sandbox, so now they’ve taken their toys away and gone off to sulk in some dark corner. I’ve said before, that Jamaica does not have a culture of mature political discussion. I would be happy to see politicians mud wrestling, and I know that betting on the outcomes would be a major revenue earner for the gaming companies and the ministry of finance.

E is eedyat, which is how many feel they’ve been treated.

F is flattery, something so absent from most proceedings involving our politicians as to make one wonder about their upbringing.

G is gutter politics. Nuff said.

H is for Hardly Sure, who is penciled in to be finance minister if green is the winning colour. It’s also, aptly, for a house…and there I leave it…

I is for IMF

J is for jokes. What else is up the sleeves of the politicians and their surrogates, when it comes to keeping us amused in the next few days? Importantly, it’s also for jobs, or is it jabs, as Jamaicans would pronounce it? 100,000, 200,000, 300,000…any more bids?

K is kiss mi teet, which is a prevailing attitude clearly displayed by many more than a few.

L is laughable, which aptly describes some of the ridiculous gyrations and hole-digging

M is for Mama P, now aka MIA, whether that is ‘missing in action’, ‘Miss InAction’, ‘Me Insult Anju?’, or other variants that can come to mind. A fearless leaders, by her own admission. Sadly, the opposition has sought no permission to exploit this…Just sharing.

N is new voters, who may truly hold the key to many a political prospect

O is opinion, of which no one seems lacking

P is for polls, whether Bill Johnson- or Don Anderson-inspired, or just a random check of those waiting for the 21 bus at Half Way Tree Transportation Centre. It’s also for points, as in (several) plans, which feature much in the JLP Manifesto…

Q is for questions, of which more have been asked than answered, and for which no answer will suffice. Talk about ‘painting the Forth Bridge’!

R is for rallies, what more Jamaicans are drawn to than sitting quietly and hearing politicians rale…

S is for steps…21 of them to “Step Up the Progress”, as PNP has it. Frankly, I think we need a 12-step program for political salvation. But, what do I know?

T is for tax-plan: part of a 10-point program aimed to get your vote for more money. What’s that about vote-buying? Just asking….

U is unnu, especially when it’s ‘those people’ who don’t share your views.

V is victory

W is for Warmington, who shockingly in a year when political bile has been on the increase has barely mustered a column inch with any mustard-flavoured utterances during the campaign season. The people ask “Why the silence?”

X is the mark you must put on the paper, against the symbol of your choice. If you can read, then check that the person’s name is sensible and not something like Donald Chump

Y is young people, who seem critical in setting a tone for future elections, whether they stay away in droves or decide to vote in large numbers.

Z is the sound coming from over 40 percent of voters when you ask if they’re interested in voting…


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