Violence Against Women, Part 2: Gently Unplugging the Patriarchy

Who feels it, knows it.

Although the Sixteen Days of Activism following the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women officially ended yesterday (Human Rights Day), I had to write this postscript to Jamaica’s official recognition of that day – a carefully structured but ultimately dissatisfying exercise. There was a catalog of woes; much hand-wringing; much talk of what we “must do”; what there “needs to be.” 

Well actually, this is much more than a postscript. This was an evening that addressed “root causes,” something that UNAIDS‘ Dr. Pierre Somse had urged the Bureau of Women’s Affairs to consider deeply at the earlier meeting. “We are always talking about the symptoms” of violence against women, observed Sherene, who works for Prana.

 

Who are Prana? They are a small communications and PR company that specializes in wellness and positive lifestyle brands. Prana has just opened a charming little store at Kingston’s Grosvenor Galley, which I visited over the weekend (see the flyer below). Prana partnered with Women’s Media Watch for an evening headlined “Inspired Living: Women, Sexual Violence and Empowerment,” last week. It was an evening of heavy rain, but this did not prevent us from gathering at JAMPRO’s comfortable and intimate Conference Room. Around the stage was the mantra: “Power. Courage. Forgiveness. Success. Purpose.” All words that floated into our consciousness during our discussion.

Women’s Media Watch and its focus.

We all received orange ribbons, this time (I already had the purple one pinned). This represented the UN’s regular “Orange Days,” part of the Secretary General’s anti-violence campaign. Unfortunately, Orange Day in Jamaica would have certain connotations, since orange is the color of one of our political “tribes.” But wearing a ribbon on the 25th of every month – including the important day in question – is a good awareness-raising concept, I think.

A Women’s Media Watch member plays a dramatized piece on domestic violence.

The moderator of the group (they were seated informally in armchairs rather than that very stiff “head table” that is so often preferred) introduced herself. Nadine McNeil calls herself a “global humanitarian.” She has worked for the United Nations in various capacities around the world. Her great love is also teaching and practicing yoga. A Jamaican who has lived most of her life overseas, Nadine has been back for a few months and has observed that in Jamaica there is “some kind of war on the psyche that’s now taking place.” She is currently involved with two transformational, female-led organizations in downtown Kingston – the arts collective Roktowa and the non-governmental organization that serves inner-city youth, RISE Life Management Services.

Superintendent Gladys Brown makes a point while her co-panelists listen.

Nadine McNeil introduces the panelists.

 

Superintendent Gladys Brown is the head (“Commander” is her official title) of the Centre for the Investigation of Sexual Offences and Child Abuse (CISOCA) – a high-profile unit of the Jamaica Constabulary Force. I admire Superintendent Brown enormously; she is, quite simply, a woman of courage. In 2003, Superintendent Brown fought back valiantly against a man who attempted to rob her in downtown Kingston; she was stabbed several times and was hospitalized. This was around the time of her graduation from law school. She is also writing a book about the entrenched patriarchy of Jamaica’s police force; she would like to see the “force” (this term alone was well-chosen by our leaders – not a service, a force) humanized. She wants her fellow officers, mostly men, to show more empathy and sensitivity towards Jamaican women who are victims of crime. 

Now, Superintendent Brown is a straight talker. She believes passionately in women’s empowerment. She believes that the “silence”  of female victims of violence helps to empower the men that abuse them; the women’s voices are smothered by the stigma and the shame. “Away with stigma!” cried Superintendent Brown. She says the silence must be broken – not just with words, but with actions. And Superintendent Brown had some tips for women: firstly, “dress the way you want.” Don’t buy into the argument that because you are wearing a fashionably tight top or short skirt you are inviting rape. This is “hogwash,” declared the Superintendent. (What a wonderful word that is). Secondly, Superintendent Brown says, we women “trust too much.” Many of the people who are abusing us – and our trust – are “in our own space”; they are close to us emotionally and physically. She told us the story of a policeman who, when visited by a woman who had just been raped to report the crime against her, decided he would avail himself of her also. He asked her if she would prefer him to rape her anally or orally (I told you, she is a straight talker). The Superintendent also warned us to be very careful when attending parties – the Christmas season is here. Drinks can be spiked with various rape drugs. Just beware, be strong, be smart, she said. And speak out. Most of these men are “cowards,” says Superintendent Brown. She personally confronted her own attacker – and women should fight back, in the same way. Shame them. (For why should women feel ashamed? They are not the perpetrators of violence. The men are the guilty ones).

Donna Duncan-Scott looking pensive.

Donna Duncan-Scott is a well-known and successful uptown businesswoman, from a middle class family. She also has her own brand of courage. Several years ago, she decided to “go public” about her own experience of sexual abuse – within the family. Since then, she has spoken on many occasions on the topic, and is not now afraid to do so. In fact, now she speaks publicly on the issue “to help others,” she says, “to remove the stigma.”  During her ordeal as a young girl – which lasted for years – Donna says she saw herself as “unworthy of a wholesome relationship.” There was an overwhelming guilt.

And there was the “Jezebel” syndrome. Who on earth is Jezebel, you may ask? When I first came across this expression I was quite disturbed by it. It is in many ways used (by women as well as men) to denigrate strong and assertive women in Jamaica. OK, Jezebel was a princess in the Hebrew Book of Kings in the Old Testament. She was very influential and associated with false prophets (and what could be worse than that). Moving away from the misogynistic, patriarchal culture of the Old Testament – which, sadly, is still embraced in some of its aspects in Jamaica today – to the equally male-dominated culture of today’s fundamentalist Christians, the image of a Jezebel morphed into a promiscuous woman, a “fallen” woman. (Are there “fallen men,” by the way?) This came from the story that, before her violent death at the hands of a pretender to the throne, Jezebel dressed in her finest clothes and jewelry and applied makeup to her face. What a wicked, wicked woman!

So, Donna – an intelligent and lovely woman who is now happily married, with a great career and a spiritually-centered life – was branded as a “Jezebel” by some of her family and friends – and saw herself as one. It has taken huge physical and moral courage to overcome that huge dark shadow on her youth. She has done it partly through her strong spiritual center, resulting in forgiveness. “People have problems,” she said when talking of the man who abused her: “It’s a human being thing, not a man/woman thing.” 

Dr. Veronica (Ronnie) Salter calls herself a “fusion therapist.” This warm, upbeat Irish-born woman, who has lived in Jamaica for many years, says that when counseling victims of violence, she has to “almost dig out the pain.” The emotions are “stored in our genes,” she says; the stories of pain and grief are “deeply buried” in the psyche. Some of the coping techniques women employ include “numbing out” – a kind of blocking, a ready-made brick wall that just will not allow those memories to resurface. Other psychological responses to violence, whether sexual or otherwise, include victims actually harming themselves, “so they can feel.” She says if you look into the eyes of a victim of abuse, you can see… “They’ve gone… They’re not there.” Some go so far as to effect some kind of “out of body” experience, so that they are actually watching themselves being abused. That’s the way they deal with it. There is denial, fear, and a sense of loss – almost like grief at the passing of a loved one.

Ronnie Salter never loses her sense of humor.

And what of our girls? Phrases like “sexually active since the age of eight” are a gross injustice, Ronnie noted. How can a girl be sexually active at that age? She has been sexually abused at that age! Another dreadful expression, “force ripe,” seems to me as sexist and demeaning as “Jezebel.” Ripe? Is a girl a piece of fruit, just hanging on a tree waiting to be picked? Is there a male equivalent of force ripe? No? I didn’t think so! When a child says he/she has been sexually abused, Ronnie urges us to believe them. “

“We have accepted rape as a way of punishing women,” she notes. “Rape is nothing to do with sex. It is about power.” It is about a violent expression of anger on the part of the rapist at some loss of power. It is an attempt to win that power back.

And, first and foremost, rape, sexual abuse and domestic violence are crimes. If you are the victim of a rape or another violent crime, sexual or otherwise, or if you know a child who is, go to CISOCA, where all your needs will be taken care of, including counseling and follow-up.

This is what I loved about this session: the focus was on self-help and empowerment. “Young people must know what action to take,” said Donna Duncan-Scott. Women should work on gaining and maintaining some level of financial independence. “It is hard for people to understand these things,” said Donna, reflecting on her own family experience. But she knows now that “the best thing to do is to say something right away.” Don’t suffer in that horrible silence that is born of fear, guilt and shame.

Although there were not many men in the group (again), they did ask questions and seek information. This was encouraging. The discussion ended on a positive note.

The audience needed more time to participate, I felt, and time was limited towards the end. But, overall, it was everything that the earlier exercise described in Part 1 was not: It reached out for personal solutions. The panelists were not only eloquent, knowledgeable and experts in their field. They also touched a nerve – which, though at times uncomfortable, resulted in a degree of healing. To make a comparison: I am currently having some physiotherapy for an irritating back problem, which involves an electric current being plugged into certain spots where there is the most pain. The effect is at one point painful and subsequently, healing.

In the same way, this discussion “hit the spot.” I am truly thankful to Prana and to Women’s Media Watch for creating this thoughtful but action-oriented and empowering response to the issue.

I cannot over-emphasize how difficult it is to speak out when you have yourself suffered from violence, whether it is domestic violence, sexual abuse, rape or incest. All these kinds of violence inflicted by man on woman are an assault on the core of your being: not just the physical core of your own femininity, but your spiritual and emotional core, also. And I speak from my own experience.

PS The title of this blog post does not refer to the well-known book by mystic Lucia René. Although that might be of interest, too.

Congratulations to the organizers… and panelists, you gave us so much.

Prana Lifestyle has a well-conceived and interesting philosophy of wellness. Visit them and talk to them at Grosvenor Gallery. Not just for women… men, too!

The purple and orange combined.

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